Good Intentions and Weak Will

I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful
nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For
what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I
keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do
it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

Romans 7:18 - 20 (NIV)

Chris and I finally broke down and joined the 21st century a few weeks ago by ordering Dish. Now that we have cable, I can finally watch the shows I always see previewed on the television in my hotel rooms when I travel. One show I've been wanting to watch for quite some time is Intervention.

For those of you who haven't seen this show, it focuses on a person who has an addiction (i.e. alcoholism, drugs, gambling, etc.). At the end of the show, that person's family and friends host an intervention. On the few episodes that I've seen, the addict always agrees to go to some sort of rehab in the end. However, whether or not they stay in rehab and then are successful in "beating" their addiction is a different story.

It's so easy to sit in my recliner and become exasperated with these addicts. How can they throw away their family, lives, money, jobs, etc. for alcohol or drugs? It's so frustrating to watch them as they struggle with their addiction and then see them head off to rehab with a new-found hope, only to learn in the end their spouse is divorcing them because they went back to their old self-destructive habits.

But, the truth is that many of us have something in our lives with which we struggle daily; for me it's food. No, I'm not "overweight." By some standards I could probably even stand to gain a few pounds. But that's not the point. Every day I wake up and say, "I'm going to eat healthy today. I'm going to stay away from sweets. I'm going to order a salad at Chili's instead of a cheeseburger." And what do I usually do by the end of the day? Snack all afternoon. Eat too much sugar. Order the cheeseburger.

Drugs and alcohol may be more destructive than a daily candy bar or a cheeseburger with fries, and they're definitely more addictive. But regardless of the weakness or the addiction, it seems to boil down to the verse listed above, and how we as humans struggle daily to make the right choices, but so often our sinful nature and weak will seem to triumph.

Tonight Chris and I had dinner at Outback. I probably ate the equivalent of a loaf of their delicious honey wheat bread in addition to half my meal (and a side salad with Ranch dressing). Then (even though I was quite satisfied), I couldn't resist ordering the "Chocolate Chocolate Tower" with raspberry sauce. It was probably enough cake for a party of six! Of course Chris and I managed to make a sizable dent in the giant hunk of chocolate cake. Now I really regret that dessert (though I won't admit that to Chris!). I'm too full to sleep. Tomorrow I plan on starting my day by going into the gym and then eating smarter.

My weak will won over tonight, but tomorrow is a new day and another opportunity to start anew. And maybe tomorrow will be the day I start eating healthier for good. And maybe I'll mess it up again. But I'm definitely going to keep trying.